Act 1, scene 5

SCENE 5 Court before the same.

Enter KING LEAR, KENT, and FOOL 

KING LEAR 
Go you before to Gloucester with these letters.
Acquaint my daughter no further with any thing you
know than comes from her demand out of the letter.
If your diligence be not speedy, I shall be there afore you.

KENT 
I will not sleep, my lord, till I have delivered
your letter.

Exit

FOOL 
If a man's brains were in's heels, were't not in
danger of kibes?

KING LEAR 
Ay, boy.

FOOL 
Then, I prithee, be merry; thy wit shall ne'er go
slip-shod.

KING LEAR 
Ha, ha, ha!

FOOL 
Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly;
for though she's as like this as a crab's like an
apple, yet I can tell what I can tell.

KING LEAR 
Why, what canst thou tell, my boy?

FOOL 
She will taste as like this as a crab does to a
crab. Thou canst tell why one's nose stands i'
the middle on's face?

KING LEAR 
No.

FOOL 
Why, to keep one's eyes of either side's nose; that
what a man cannot smell out, he may spy into.

KING LEAR 
I did her wrong--

FOOL 
Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell?

KING LEAR 
No.

FOOL 
Nor I neither; but I can tell why a snail has a house.

KING LEAR 
Why?

FOOL 
Why, to put his head in; not to give it away to his
daughters, and leave his horns without a case.

KING LEAR 
I will forget my nature. So kind a father! Be my
horses ready?

FOOL 
Thy asses are gone about 'em. The reason why the
seven stars are no more than seven is a pretty reason.

KING LEAR 
Because they are not eight?

FOOL 
Yes, indeed: thou wouldst make a good fool.

KING LEAR 
To take 't again perforce! Monster ingratitude!

FOOL 
If thou wert my fool, nuncle, I'ld have thee beaten
for being old before thy time.

KING LEAR 
How's that?

FOOL 
Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst
been wise.

KING LEAR 
O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven
Keep me in temper: I would not be mad!

Enter Gentleman

How now! are the horses ready?

GENTLEMAN 
Ready, my lord.

KING LEAR 
Come, boy.

FOOL 
She that's a maid now, and laughs at my departure,
Shall not be a maid long, unless things be cut shorter.

Exeunt

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