Scene four

Enter WAGNER and CLOWN.

     WAGNER. Sirrah boy, come hither.

     CLOWN. How, boy! swowns, boy!  I hope you have seen many boys
     with such pickadevaunts as I have:  boy, quotha!

     WAGNER. Tell me, sirrah, hast thou any comings in?

     CLOWN. Ay, and goings out too; you may see else.

     WAGNER. Alas, poor slave! see how poverty jesteth in his nakedness!
     the villain is bare and out of service, and so hungry, that I know
     he would give his soul to the devil for a shoulder of mutton,
     though it were blood-raw.

     CLOWN. How! my soul to the devil for a shoulder of mutton, though
     'twere blood-raw! not so, good friend:  by'r lady, I had need
     have it well roasted, and good sauce to it, if I pay so dear.

     WAGNER. Well, wilt thou serve me, and I'll make thee go like
     Qui mihi discipulus?

     CLOWN. How, in verse?

     WAGNER. No, sirrah; in beaten silk and staves-acre.

     CLOWN. How, how, knaves-acre! ay, I thought that was all the land
     his father left him.  Do you hear?  I would be sorry to rob you of
     your living.

     WAGNER. Sirrah, I say in staves-acre.

     CLOWN. Oho, oho, staves-acre! why, then, belike, if I were your
     man, I should be full of vermin.

     WAGNER. So thou shalt, whether thou beest with me or no.  But,
     sirrah, leave your jesting, and bind yourself presently unto me
     for seven years, or I'll turn all the lice about thee into
     familiars, and they shall tear thee in pieces.

     CLOWN. Do you hear, sir? you may save that labour; they are too
     familiar with me already:  swowns, they are as bold with my flesh
     as if they had paid for their meat and drink.

     WAGNER. Well, do you hear, sirrah? hold, take these guilders.
          [Gives money.]

     CLOWN. Gridirons! what be they?

     WAGNER. Why, French crowns.

     CLOWN. Mass, but for the name of French crowns, a man were as good
     have as many English counters.  And what should I do with these?

     WAGNER. Why, now, sirrah, thou art at an hour's warning, whensoever
     or wheresoever the devil shall fetch thee.

     CLOWN. No, no; here, take your gridirons again.

     WAGNER. Truly, I'll none of them.

     CLOWN. Truly, but you shall.

     WAGNER. Bear witness I gave them him.

     CLOWN. Bear witness I give them you again.

     WAGNER. Well, I will cause two devils presently to fetch thee
     away.—Baliol and Belcher!

     CLOWN. Let your Baliol and your Belcher come here, and I'll
     knock them, they were never so knocked since they were devils:
     say I should kill one of them, what would folks say?  "Do ye see
     yonder tall fellow in the round slop? he has killed the devil."
     So I should be called Kill-devil all the parish over.

          Enter two DEVILS; and the CLOWN runs up and down crying.

     WAGNER. Baliol and Belcher,—spirits, away!
          [Exeunt DEVILS.]

     CLOWN. What, are they gone? a vengeance on them! they have vile
     long nails.  There was a he-devil and a she-devil:  I'll tell you
     how you shall know them; all he-devils has horns, and all
     she-devils has clifts and cloven feet.

     WAGNER. Well, sirrah, follow me.

     CLOWN. But, do you hear? if I should serve you, would you teach
     me to raise up Banios and Belcheos?

     WAGNER. I will teach thee to turn thyself to any thing, to a dog,
     or a cat, or a mouse, or a rat, or any thing.

     CLOWN. How! a Christian fellow to a dog, or a cat, a mouse,
     or a rat! no, no, sir; if you turn me into any thing, let it be
     in the likeness of a little pretty frisking flea, that I may be
     here and there and every where:  O, I'll tickle the pretty wenches'
     plackets!  I'll be amongst them, i'faith.

     WAGNER. Well, sirrah, come.

     CLOWN. But, do you hear, Wagner?

     WAGNER. How!—Baliol and Belcher!

     CLOWN. O Lord!  I pray, sir, let Banio and Belcher go sleep.

     WAGNER. Villain, call me Master Wagner, and let thy left eye be
     diametarily fixed upon my right heel, with quasi vestigiis
     nostris75 insistere.
          [Exit.]

     CLOWN. God forgive me, he speaks Dutch fustian.  Well, I'll follow
     him; I'll serve him, that's flat.
          [Exit.]

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